“How to Win People Over!”
3 Steps to Making Friends & Influencing People
by our Club President Jun Allego
in Notes Format
Being with people is one of the most challenging and rewarding element of our daily life.
Whether you are working for someone or in a relationship with someone, challenges are presented in various forms and sizes.
In today’s session, I will share with you some tips and strategies on how you can win and influence people.
At the end of this session, I’m hoping you would have learnt how to;
How to become an admirable conversationalist without having to say anything – story of 2 rival politicians and a journalist
How to fashionably convince people to do what you want – traffic violation back in Cebu
How to subtly you can change someone’s opinion –
Before you disagree with me or tell me that I don’t know your wife/husband or I don’t know your boss, indulge me for a moment for I firmly believe that it will serve you well if you give me the chance to share what I have learnt not only after being the president of this club for 4 terms but also as an employee, a father and as a son.
Before I start, I would like you to know that there are pre-requisites for these strategies to work.
You must be a Toastmaster of good standing, that means you have paid your dues haha.
Genuine interest in people – dreams, aspirations, troubles, career, family, or anything that is important to them.
Genuine appreciation – lookout for something appreciation worthy from the other person.
Genuine humility to admit that you may have made a mistake.
Being a great conversationalist without saying anything
Listen actively – undivided attention
Let people talk about what they love to talk about – career, family, dreams
Example: A 3-hour chit chat with Ivy
I gave Ivy a fine reputation to live up to
She is the following;
Marathoner – now she’s fat
Started her own business by herself – now she’s trapped in employment doing something she doesn’t like
After a 3-hour conversation I told her that I have a lot of respect for people who can wake up at 6 am to train/exercise.
I also told her that people who started their own business and failed inspire me.
Last week, she came to our office and brought me 4 expensive mooncakes and told me she lost 5 kg in 6 weeks because of what I said (above) in our 3-hour conversation.
How to make people do what you want
1. Avoid the 3Cs (criticize, complain, condemn)
2. Avoid making people feel wrong
3. Appreciate sincerely – avoid overdone flattery
Example: Traffic violation in the Philippines
I made Marcus(the traffic enforcer) the hero
I got caught for reckless driving once and I did the 3 steps below;
I apologized for my blunder.
I acknowledge his authority.
I made him a role model for having the courage to stop me and remind me of the traffic rules.
How to change people’s opinion
Example: My baby’s playgroup enrollment at 18 months.
I made her mom a proud mom
My conservative partner said no to my idea of sending our daughter to a playgroup when she turns 18-months.
Instead of arguing and trying to prove her wrong, I did the following below;
1. Avoid “show stopper” words such as STOP, NO, DON’T, etc..
2. Borrow authority – we have a common friend living in London who recently sent her son to a playgroup and she was raving about her son’s progress. I simply ask her to talk to my partner about it. It changed my partner’s mind and now our daughter is in playgroup and she is so happy about our daughter’s progress and brags about it to her friends and relatives.
3. Appeal to the other person’s interest
Sample scenarios are given to the attendees:
Instruction: Using the techniques shared by Jun earlier, you are to craft a plan on how you are going to approach the scenarios below;
1. A piano teacher
A girl wants to learn to play piano so badly and at the same time doesn’t want to trim her beautifully polished fingernails.
2. A safe distancing ambassador
You spotted a group of teenagers not wearing their masks even after they have consuming their food/drinks.
3. Too spicy for you
You are dining at your favorite restaurant and you were mistakenly served with your food that is too spicy despite your specific instructions “NOT SPICY”.
4. A loving husband
Your wife asked for 5 ways she could improve herself.
5. A son who doesn’t want to eat veggies
6. An employee asking for a promotion or pay raise from his/her boss
7. Confronting a social media basher over a misinformation you posted
The exercise was done and in the recording.
If you want to overcome stage fright and learn to speak with confidence, join a toastmasters club. You are welcome to visit our Kampong Ubi Toastmasters Club if you are living in Singapore.